As the slide show of memories flashed upon my monitor I questioned how much joy I left behind in Canada when I moved abroad

I aged in body heart and soul being away from my culture and the control one has simply by the mother language being their own

I see less smiles and little satisfaction. I see boredom and loneliness. Not a drop of excitement, tired, waiting, watching

Moods dark ugly cold and hard. Owner of property truly depersonalized. There is no switch to turn off this Mistress nor compromise I will accept when a man walks knowingly into my world.

Dark cold serene thoughtful, as always reading between the lines.

Dead certain

Arrogant

Distant

Cold

Unrelentling...as I am

From a foriegn land - home again

Determined and thoughtful

At peace with reality and a touch bored with fantasy, alone in a crowd as I rebuild my faith in the 'Love style' that has sustained me for so long

Every day a deeper understanding of how few really surrender even though many are fabulous role players

Photos changed randomly and I began to smile.

I discovered the calm happy serenity in the corners of my mouth that were common once upon a time

I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue in the BDSM world. I wondered if I had any interest in D/s

Would being a Sadist without a sexual attraction be a bore or a fulfillment

A teacher a guide counselling those who were not yet jaded

and again, the same quiet waiting demeanor that tell a story only I can see. I see the set of the shoulders. Boots claiming the side walk as though daring it to protest

Hard cold waiting

Losing patience day by day month by month year by year

Destiny

Watching

 

 

The years leave my face

Calm peaceful rejuvenating

Eager for each step of new trainings

Longer harder scenes

in 2010