It takes compatibility.
It requires honesty.
It flourishes with trust.
It dies with boredom.
A few simple thoughts. All generic...
If a submissive or a dominant has a vanilla mind set they will enter with expectations that are unrealistic. If both partners enter from the vanilla world at the same time they may have matching expectations that they can build a satisfactory and passionate D/s lovestyle from.
BECAUSE they are of the same mind set more or less when the decision to try this new world out began.
Some submissives do have unrealistic hopes and dreams of being taken care
of financially, emotionally, sexually, and intellectually while they stay
at home and take care of their dominant. They see it in *vanilla* terms although
they seldom realize it.
Most do not realize that many dominants are not looking to support a submissive
in all of these ways and see it more as a burden than a gift. Some dominants
do not crave the constant control that a submissive needs, if a submissive
chooses this dominant and thinks they can change him or her they are not being
realistic.
Now back on track...
Remember back to when the seeds of fantasy…dominating or submitting began...and move forward...D/s is realistic and can be as deep and fullfilling as two participants want it to be. It is hard work to keep it successful but the journey is well worth the pain.
It is a lovestyle that was built by the bricks of fantasy. Fantasy is the foundation that keeps it strong. Fantasy must overlap reality but not replace it.
Fantasies should not stop a life long journey but enhance it. But if the submissive comes into the relationship looking for 24/7 of being locked in a cage and only allowed out to serve the Dominant..that is unrealistic. If the dominant states that is how the submissive will exist, that is dishonest. Reality dictates what can and cannot happen in a 24 hour day 7 day week,
It is not the romantic world in a primary way that many female submissives are looking for nor the hell of extreme humiliation and degredation that many male subs are looking for...but often a cross between the two.
Be honest up front about what you are REALLY looking for. Do not settle for less than you need in a partner and do not waste your time if there is not mutual respect.
Self evaluate *before* entering a relationship.
It is very doubtful that a dominant will change to suit the submissive even
though we are constantly molding the submissive to live up to our expectations.
Generally the submissive has craved this care and control for a very long time and finds a freedom in giving over the responsibility of their well being and progressive enhancements in their day to day life.
Living it and playing it are realms apart.
Conversation should flow constantly between the partners, deep and meaningful
as well as light and rediculous.
Life is fluid and there is no script to fall back on. Changes in routine will
occur now and then but that having been said... structure is safety...rules
are safety...rituals are safety and a freedom for a submissive to not have
to second guess what is expected.
Hopefully the dominant will encourage the submissive to spend quality time
with friends and family on their own. Will even require it as a form of obedience.
Often the submissive will bring old vanilla ideas of guilt into a BDSM relationship
and feel that they must abandon their old life completely just to keep peace.
But consider this...
Is the dominant not making the submissive less than they were rather than
all they could be by limiting previous relationships such as these?
Does this not affect emotional well being and spontaneous joy?
A reminder *NO GUILT* when sending them out of the door..and meaning it! will
keep the dominant on the mind of the one that adores them all through the
night or day. Allowing the submissive to phone home or the location of the
dominant also allows the submissive to still feel the domination even from
afar.
Yes it is all possible but it is a great deal of work and should be entered into without illusions.
Reality in a D/s relationship can only work if you do not waffle back and forth in your intent and focus on the dream.
If you act indecisively there is no room to develop trust. There must be some form of consistency or the D/s becomes a game. A game is not a relationship even though a relationship houses many games in BDSM relationships.
Now say that fast 5 times!
Many of the day to day realities whether it be children, work or illness
must be INCORPORATED into the domination style of the one in control.
Reality is not all about play it is about authority control, care, satisfaction
and contentment at the end of the day. The play is the icing on the cake.
It can be a dominating act to 'command' the submissive to read a magazine
for 30 minutes...no choice, while I ‘enjoy’ doing the dinner dishes
and "inspecting" the quality of the cleanliness of the kitchen in
general.
‘Directing’ the submissive to soak in a bubble bath to become
soft and beautiful for a full body inspection while I vacuum the living room.
It is the 'directing and commanding' that remove guilt and also expand a scene
in ways that may not be considered...which means the BDSM scenerio 'begins'
before the actual play but intensifies the play for both parties if the MINDSET
is honest.
Realistic D/s love/play styles can only benefit from USING the day to day
realities to 'add' rather than 'detract' from the pleasures of those BIG moments.