Enabling Versus Domination

~Positive versus Negative~

A little food for thought is always beneficial to those just entering this BDSM or D/s lifestyle. It never hurts to re-evaluate the choices we have made in the past…are living in the present…or negotiating for the future.

During strictly play sessions without the relationship dynamic it would be fair to assume that enabling can be a positive as both parties, top and bottom, are enabling each other to experience a certain level of play and experience.

This scenario is not about domination and submission. This type of enabling is up front and expected.

Enabling can be insidious when the partners do not recognize it is occurring or when one or the other blatantly presents they are about submission or domination rather than about their personal kink primarily.

In this context it becomes a negative. In a short term experience no harm is likely to be done or very little at the most. The harm done to the unknowing party can be as simple as embarrassment and feeling duped or foolish or as heart breaking as one allows it to be.

Often when a kink is the centre of ones universe that one will try to compromise as in “submit” or “dominate” just to get into a relationship that will allow them to live out their needs, the partner that had other expectations will become resentful when reality shows its ugly head.

In the case of a dominant who discovers they have become no more than a kink fulfiller they will back off of dominating and a vanilla relationship is in the making.

If it is the submissive that finds they are no more than an enabler the loss of respect they will feel will show itself in disrespectful behaviour.

Intellectual property of Mistress Marlene 2007