A necessary skill to cultivate

Communication is vital in all relationships without it there can be no long term success.

Be direct when you have something to say.Do not couch what you mean in innuendos
meant to leave your partner guessing at your real meaning. Dropping hints will in most cases lead to misunderstandings and test the crediblity of honesty. Taking the easy way out and avoiding important issues you may be having is a sure way to cause unnecessary problems and weakens your believabilty.

You as the dominant have the responsibility to draw the submissive into conversation
meant to soothe their worries or stop their bullshit. They have the responsibility of making certain that you really understand what they need to say and that you are not simply guessing at their intentions.

Communicate quickly and efficiently when you begin to see a problem arising, allowing it to build will fill you with resentment and place a wall of silence around you that not even the most determined submissive will be able to tear down. You show a chink in your armour if your silence becomes a barrier to understanding, discipline or caring.

If the moment is too raw to deal with the issue immediately it would be correct to bring attention to the fact that there is an issue in your eyes and that it will be dealt with sooner rather than later.

The submissive also has a responsibility to be open and honest with their dominant when they feel any discomfort or threat to their emotional or physical safety. Allowing discomfort or discontent to build and fester makes it much more difficult to stay clear in the mind as to what the real issues are.

Be totally honest when you speak. You have an obligation and a responsibility to say what you mean and to mean what you say. The only way that communication can be effective is if it says what it means. If you cannot be depended upon to be honest you have no right to expect honesty in return. A submissive that does not speak in honesty has no right to expect to be trusted.

It is a two way street.

Communication is an ongoing conversation between the dominant and the submissive. It should be a joy punctuated with laughter and serious moments covering the span of your relationship. Creating special times when a submissive is to speak freely without fear of reprisal is a gift that you give and receive.

You as the dominant will develop ways in which to best draw out your submissive that is not confrontational but leaves no room for withdrawal into silence. By caring enough to get to know who they REALLY are you will develope the tools to ask questions that get to the heart of the matter. By knowing their weakness and their strengths it will become natural to see their internal pain and caution. They will also develop the ability to read you and your moods if they have the true desire for growth in the relationship.

By encouraging the self confidence of your submissive you are giving them the building blocks to help them feel more comfortable in open communication. By telling them during these constant conversations how much you value them for who they are and saving the humiliation for scening you teach them pride which in turn makes it easier to speak of their hopes and dreams.

It is your responsibility as the dominant to be certain they understand Safe Sane and Consensual in the way that it speaks to you or not, and that it is a strength not a weakness to use a safe word without shame. Not only is it a strength but it is their obligation in deference to their respect for you.

BDSM relationships are constantly growing and restructuring. The conversation must take that into consideration. Evolving kinks and disappearing limits should be discussed regularly in a nuetral and confident way.

Both the dominant and the submissive will find their needs changing with the relationship. Sharing the changes verbally can be fun, informative and beneficial.

Silence is communication in its most basic form. It can be used to show acceptance or disapproval and speaks volumes without the utterance of a single word. It has its place in dominance and submission though silence can also amplify misunderstandings.

Honest communication means so many different things if one wishes to pare it down...or to make it an excuse to say hurtful things.

Let me share with you two examples of good and bad communication…skills or lack there of:

If you for instance know that your dominant has bad breath and you know they are about to meet with the president of the company for a possible promotion, your honesty in pointing out the bad breath would be for the benefit of the dominant. Now you see it is necessary although potentially embarrassing for both of you. The honesty will be best received in the approach.

Now you could say..OMG your breath smells like the back end of a skunk! NOT GOOD! even though it is 100% true. Or you could present that same truth as “I detect something unusual about you, may I do a last minute breath check”? With a little wrinkle of the nose you could smile and say, “Ya need a little touch up”, with just a trace of humour and a dose of acceptance. Same scene different approach.

Your dominant asks you if you are happy. You are not. You can lie in dishonesty or answer with the truth. You are not happy because there has been no domination for a week.No mental or physical contol at all.

You could reply " I am feeling lost as I am not feeling any direction. I do not know if something is bothering you outside or inside of our relationship, and so I don't know how to fix it." You have shown honesty and the desire to fix the problem if it is something you are responsible for. It also demonstrates that you understand it could be external. You are showing respect and honesty.

Or you could say "You are boring me to death with your lack of domination. If you don't want me just fucking well say it and get it over with!" Bad approach and not really honest since you really don't want the relationship to end but wish the domination to pick up again.

Or you could smile sweetly and say you were happy.Which would be dishonest.