Walking inside the walls, of my imagination, and memories I falter and stumble over fears and past ghosts. The winds of pain, and heartaches gone by, whip around my tired being. Whispering defeat, and laughing at my failures. In a cry of anguish, I scream out for the One who can hear me, and has heard me for a very long time. She smiles, and Her hand reaches out across the miles, to pick me up. Her firm grasp, pulling me toward Her into safety and comfort. I glance back, seeing the past fade slowly into the distance. Swallowed up in a fog of determination and perseverance.

In a span of 3 weeks, I am studied, Eyes searching mine, trying to find what is safely tucked away. I try to find my way again, on shaky ground and faltering feet. Trying to cut through a haze of homesickness, missed family, and dependancy.

So much to get over, but in my determination to overcome, a need that is being sought, to prove my existance, has tried and judged me. Again, in my feeble attempt to do right, I lose.

Does that make me any less a submissive? No. Does it mean I dont have a need? No. It means that there are layers of life, that slowly need to be peeled away, patiently, and a new being born within, It means that until I can toss my head high, and laugh into the face of the fears that bound me, my needs and submission, will never shine through, to prove me the person I know I am to be.

So my fate has been placed in those Hands who doubt my innermost desire, my need. I can only move forward, progessing in the manner that is set before me, the opportunities I am given. Knowing that when I feel worthy about my own self, and know I have achieved what I feel to do, then the walls and the layers will melt away, and the need and the desire will shine. Making me, what I once was in a land far away...a true submissive.